A Few Days Becomes So Many Words02:06 Jan 12 2009
Times Read: 790
I’m not really in the mood to do a proper update but I don’t want to get back into the habit of thinking Oh, I’ll do it later... I’ll do it tomorrow... One more day won’t make a difference... so here we go with a potentially quite crap update of the past few days.
Wednesday
Cirque De Glace
I went to see Cirque De Glace on Wednesday night and it was amazing. I don't even know if words can describe it. It was the story of the creation of Gaia (Earth), its destruction by humanity and then its rebirth when people realise how much damage they're doing. It involved dance, figure-skating, acrobatics and an amazing contortionist as well as wonderful music and some lovely effects. I think I shall be ordering the CD some time soon.
The first scene was filled with energy, fabulous skating and real fire when the centrepiece volcano 'erupted'. Later there were performances with fire including a girl with a flaming hula hoop which she moved up and down her whole body. The flames were dotted around the outside of the hoop and I was wondering how she would get it back up into her hands without touching them but she managed. There was ribbon work and aerial acrobatics on ropes. Guys hung off the ankles of girls flying through the air. Girls hung below guys supporting themselves only with their legs crossed around one male ankle. There was a girl on a swing made from two ropes and a contortionist who performed in a suspended hoop. From the opening moment to the final pyrotechnic explosion, the whole show was amazing and over all too quickly.
After the performance ended we headed downstairs to look at the merchandise stall which was quite different from normal. There were a few CDs and DVDs but mostly it was crafts brought over from Russia. There were traditional crafts, Christmas decorations, ornate metal and porcelain thimbles, painted eggs and, of course, matryoshka (nesting) dolls. Some were beautiful. Others were quite ugly, almost grotesque in their appearance. We bought my mum a feline matryoshka set. It was quite expensive but it was, unlike the ones normally found in shops, actually from Russian. When I told her, she wanted to know if it was from Russia with love.
We also had a look in the Waterfront’s gift shop. They had some lovely things in there but I was quite amused by the presence of Robin Hood finger puppets and other items, including rosettes proclaiming “I’m one of the Merry Men.” Seeing anything relating to Robin Hood outside Nottinghamshire always amuses me these days. Probably because I live in that county for a little over half of each year at the moment.
Thursday
Asylum
Thursday night saw me heading to Asylum with Damien. The music was fairly good but there were quite a few problems with the speakers and equipment. It wasn’t the greatest night for me. I ended up crying on two occasions. Four nights out of six of being surrounded by people is just too much for me with my anxiety. I can survive so long and then it just becomes too much. It wasn’t helped by the number of strangers at Auntie Annie’s or by the fact that people were moving around constantly. I came off the dance floor at one point and couldn’t see anyone I knew. That panicked me quite a bit but I think I managed to hide most of it. I never thought I’d seek solace on a dance floor but I ended up hiding in full view of everyone several times during the night. People didn’t really help matters by trying to force alcohol on me and really not wanting to take no for an answer. Nor was it helpful having so many strangers introducing themselves and wanting to talk to me.
Damien, bless him, checked up on me during the night and had Emma check on me when I’d retreated to the toilets to cry for the second time. I was pretty messed up inside by that point, at least partly because there was a larger girl there that people were mocking and my self-image still has me see myself in that way. Although, looking at pictures, it seems that I was never that big. Damien was pretty shocked at how I see myself when I told him later.
My outfit for the night consisted of knee-high black patent leather boots, fishnet stockings, suspenders, a red tartan and black skirt, black half shirt and black tie. My hair was in loose pigtails and I did my make-up in its current standard style, which now has people asking if it’s tattooed on because they’re amazed by the freehand symmetry I somehow manage to achieve. Damien was upstairs with Aph and CaptainLucy when I did the finishing touches, looked in the mirror and had the sudden revelation that I looked like an anime school girl. A fact that seemed appreciated by all despite my misgivings. The cutesy animal bag just finished it off perfectly too.
After Asylum ended we tried to call Shane for a lift but that didn’t work out and we had to find a taxi. Adam phoned one firm and was told we’d have to wait forty minutes. Strangely enough we decided to try elsewhere and thankfully managed to get one fairly quickly. It was bloody freezing.
Back at the house we sat and talked for quite some time and then went to bed... where Damien and I continued to talk for a good while longer. I think it was somewhere around 8am when we went to sleep. Not a good thing when you’re supposed to get up a few hours later.
Friday
Summary
It took quite a while to get up. Shattered probably pretty accurately describes how we were feeling. Around noon we headed for town so Damien could sign on. He did that and we had a look in Oxfam for bookshelves for him and then a few other shops before heading to my parents’ house. I have started thinking of Damien’s place as ‘home’. I stopped myself before saying it later in the day and he said he wondered why I’d bothered when I told him that. We gathered some things, talked to the animals, he did a bit banging about on my keyboard and then we headed back into town.
Shopping
We had enough time to visit a few shops before they closed when we got into town so we went to see if there was anything decent on offer in Zavvi since it had a new “20% off” sign outside. Inside, we bumped into Steven, Jan, Adam and Chris. Most things still cost more than they would online but I found the complete Trap Door on DVD for £6 and Damien decided to buy it. When I took it to the checkout it was only £4. Trap Door for the win, methinks.
On to Waterstones we went. There, we bid farewell to more money. We got two books each. For me it was The Horsey Life by Simon Barnes, which I have now finished, and Hopscotch & Handbags by Lucy Mangan, which I’ve looked at in Southwell on several occasions. I really shouldn’t have bought any more books but sometimes you just have to give in to temptation. I should have perhaps used my money for a new wallet as the coin part of mine has a rapidly growing hole in it but I think a needle and thread will fix that. After buying the books we called it a day and headed back to the house.
Bleach And Dye?
The plan for Friday night was to bleach and dye Aph’s hair blonde but it seemed that it was not to be. Upon closer examination, all blonde dyes seem to be against pre-lightening. Normally I’d say fuck it and ignore their advice but my recent hair disaster has made me wary so we have a new plan. In February we’ll do the bleaching, allow a few days for a few washes and then apply blonde dye. We’d also planned to touch up the blue on Damien’s hair but it didn’t happen either.
Corsetted
At his request I laced Damien into one of my old corsets. It perhaps wasn’t the most ideal one to use but we were pretty limited in options due to most of the ones I own being in England. It was strange seeing him in it but not necessarily in a bad way. More to come perhaps.
Traumatic Request
My dad called me around 8pm to try and get me to phone my paternal grandmother and wish her a happy 80th birthday. He seemed to have completely forgotten about my telephone phobia and really wasn’t getting the point I was trying to make. The more he pushed, the more I panicked. I was in tears by the time I came off the phone. I was upset, angry at him and at myself. I probably wouldn’t have phoned her even if I didn’t have these issues. She doesn’t like me. She never has. Damien ended up sitting holding me while I cried. He puts up with a hell of a lot with me.
Weariness
I was already tired before my dad called and the experience just made me wearier. We decided to nap for an hour at 9pm and there was something safe and reassuring being able to curl up in Damien’s arms. Of course 10pm arrived and we wanted another ten minutes. And then another. I think it was about 2am when we woke up enough to be coherent. We then did some other stuff, including a bit of tidying, before going back to bed at 5am.
Saturday
Saying Goodbye
The farewells... The part I hate the most about returning to university. I didn’t even get to do them properly this time and I miss everyone already.
Riding
It was 10am by the time we arrived at the yard because Royal Mail had taken fifteen minutes to find a parcel when my mum went to collect it. Tula was still out in the field but I was able to get Teddy thankfully. He behaved himself when I went to tack him up but had a bit spook in the lane when I was leading him down. I think the flapping plastic over the bales of shavings startled him. He settled quickly and then decided to eat the nearby hedge.
Vicki was teaching us. Tom was back in hospital. His operation went ahead this time and was apparently successful. Hopefully he’ll be feeling better soon. We started out with a quick warm-up and then quit and crossed our stirrups. Teddy was good in spite of the howling wind outside and settled into a good trot. We got quite a few compliments during the lesson and I was pleased with how Teddy went. Vicki complimented me on my position trotting without stirrups and for a nice steady canter when we were working as separate rides on opposite reins. I was pleased with the canter because it felt very collected and controlled. She also said we did some nice circles, something which the rest of the ride suddenly seemed to have immense difficulty with when doing individually, especially the girls on Polly and Princess who really should be in a less advanced lesson.
After we dismounted Teddy devoured a packet of Polos and I got more compliments. Vicki said I’ve always been a quiet and sympathetic rider but that recently I seem to have really settled and become even calmer. It seemed to be my day to be appreciated. Then I returned Teddy to the barn, unsaddled him, rugged him up and spoilt him rotten with carrots. The plastic was flapping hard in the wind and upsetting him a bit though so my mum weighed it down with stones and that seemed to help.
We looked for the little tabby cat we’d met the previous week on the way down to the main yard but it was nowhere to be seen. Hopefully it had found somewhere out of the wind to shelter. I went to say farewell to Megan and Fred after returning Teddy’s saddle to the tack room and then we went to the field where I thought I’d seen Tula earlier in the day. It was her and I was glad to see that she still had a rug on even if it wasn’t the greatest one ever. Promising her as many treats as possible at Easter, I bid her farewell and we headed for home.
More Farewells
I stopped to say goodbye to Auntie Mary’s cats on the way home. Reaper wanted a cuddle so I had him up in my arms for a while and then he decided to play with his catnip mouse. Katie came for a quick visit and then disappeared again. Mitzi deigned to be petted and George lapped up all the attention as always. Then I headed home.
Seeking Warmth
Arriving home, I curled up with my duvet to watch a film about the evacuation of the Spanish Riding School of Vienna. I think it was called The Miracle Of The White Stallions. It was quite good and had more appearances by the horses than I first thought there was going to be. After it ended at 3.30pm I planned to get up and pack but then found something else to watch. And promptly dozed off. It was 6pm before I was fully coherent again.
The Last Supper
We had Chinese for dinner, something which won’t be a regular occurrence for several reasons. Firstly, I tend to eat about one a term at university and the second term of the year is about to start. Secondly, my blood test results came back. My cholesterol is 5.4 which is a little high. Doctor Flynn says I need to eat less fatty foods which confused pretty much everyone since people didn’t think I had a particular fatty diet. I’m not sure how much the traditional Christmas holiday junk food consumption will have affected the levels. I’ll probably ask to have it retested in a few months.
Packing
Packing was a bit of a disaster. The actually packing process was okay but I pushed Jube Jube out of the way at one point to stop him climbing over my stuff and knocking everything over and he promptly attacked me. My hands and arms still hurt and look like I’ve been sparring with Freddie Krueger. My mum calls him a vicious little brute and he really is. He attacks everyone for no apparent reason and his teeth and claws are really sharp. I suppose it’s probably a good thing that it’s almost three weeks until my next photoshoot.
Sunday
Early Start
I woke up around 5.30am, got up a little while later and went around saying goodbye to all the animals. By 6.30am we were leaving the house and less than half an hour later I was checked in, the flight having not been cancelled despite my hopes. I got through security without a problem, got called to the boarding gate a few minutes later and then sat on a low windowsill and read while waiting. There weren’t many people on the flight and we boarded quickly. The small number of people meant I had an entire row to myself. It also meant a greatly reduced take-off distance and the difference was obvious, especially when it didn’t feel like an immense effort for the plane to haul itself off the ground.
Passing Time
I read on the flight and looked out the window on a regular basis. I enjoy flying. I like looking out at the clouds and at the sea and cities and countryside below. The flight was a little longer than normal. It was 8.45am when we touched down and I was worried that I wouldn’t make the 9.05am bus. However, we disembarked quickly and the bags were offloaded almost immediately. I had enough time to stop at the shop to buy a drink and some Mini Eggs which became my breakfast. Then I caught the Skylink and passed the time on it continuing my reading.
Nottingham And Beyond
It was 9.40am when the Skylink pulled up at its final stop in Nottingham, a full twenty minutes before the Southwell bus was due so I took my time walking to Queen Street, a process which took five minutes. It was windy but not as bad as it could have been and the bus arrived about ten minutes before it was due to depart. Thankfully the driver allowed me on and I was able to sit in the warmth and wait. Cue more reading. I was the only passenger for the first ten minutes and we had to stop quite a few times to avoid getting too far ahead of schedule. The bus only run once an hour on Sundays and there weren’t many people travelling away from Nottingham at that time of day
Brackenhurst
It was 10.45am when I got back to university. The lights in the flat were all off, a good indication that I was the first one back. I took advantage of that fact and got settled. I’d planned to go straight to bed but I ended up online for a while and then reading for a while after that. I thought I might as well finish the book. It was about 12.30pm when I curled up properly to sleep. I heard James and Philippa arriving back, the former, unfortunately, having not dropped dead. I kept saying I hoped he would and being told to be careful what I wished for. I wouldn’t normally wish death upon people but he really has pushed me that far
I didn’t go out to see Philippa when I heard her. I’m just going to do my best to avoid them this term. I can do without all the drama. She messaged me when I was doing something to ask why I wasn’t back, obviously completely oblivious to me being in my room, but was offline when I looked so I didn’t bother replying.
Achievements
I haven’t really done much since getting back. I slept for a good while but still feel like death warmed up. I ate the rest of my Chinese and it tasted very good. I had a look at flights for going home for a visit. I spoke to Aph and Damien. I wrote this. Maybe I’ve achieved more than I thought after all. This is a pretty long entry. The ones in the coming weeks are probably all going to be pretty boring. I think I’ll go and grab a drink now. The kitchen should be empty and therefore safe. Then I think I shall go back to bed. It’s a little after 2am. I guess that’s an early night for me then.
A Final Note
If you’re reading this. I love you and I miss you. You know who you are.
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